is your mom at the bar?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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