You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
