like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
