See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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