we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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