i think my mom watched the whole time
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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