wrigley field is MILF paradise
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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