I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
