From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
