After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
