p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
