My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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