Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
