I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
