Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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