youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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