everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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