Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
