i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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