There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His nipple licking is glorious
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