Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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