I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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