I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
