literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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