I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
