Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
These tits shall not be calmed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
