So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
