she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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