Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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