Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
