peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
