the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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