that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
