just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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