You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
