can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
