New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
