My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
