drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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