I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
