She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
