I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
