I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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