I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
