THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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