I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
