WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
