Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The air was thick with penises
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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