That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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