he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Mom said you looked used
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
