: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
