He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
