My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
